Supermarket Flowers


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“Ting”.. the messenger new message tone woke me up from my random thoughts.

A link to a youtube video. Ed Sheeran’s “Perfect” song.

“Its really good”, A song from my little one, with the comment.

I don’t know how she figures out that I am in need for a good song to calm my mind. She does it all the time. Good music soothes me down.. Calms my mind. But the beauty is in getting to hear them when you need them the most and for me, my girl seems to know from far far away, whenever mom is in need of a good song. My blessings!

So, there I am listening to Ed’s “Perfect”. Yup a great song on love. As usual, I go on to click the links to the other new songs and  I come across “Supermarket Flowers”.

A lovely song, that got me to tears as I looked thru the old album pictures of a vacation spent with mom and dad and my family…

The silence is deafing these days. Mind is unsettled. These are the times, that I would have picked up a phone and called mom…. and dad… They would have listened to my unnecessary worries and would have calmed me down. Oh how, I miss hearing their words!

Dad always told me don’t you cry when you’re down
But mum there’s a tear every time that I blink
Oh I’m in pieces it’s tearing me up but I know 
A heart that’s broke is a heart that’s been loved”……

Ed sings it so beautifully… and my tears just flows….

I hope that I see the world as you did cause I know
A life with love is a life that’s been lived
So I’ll sing Hallelujah, you were an angel in the shape of my mum
When I fell down you’d be there holding me up …..

How I wish I could have my angels by side, holding me up everytime I fall……..

 

 

 

 

 

 

T

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Mother’s Prayer


My little one is starting school today. She’s getting into a new phase in her life, miles away from home.  As an adult, far away from home, away from the comfort of the supportive hands that held her tiny fingers, as she took her first steps.

She leaves behind an empty nest. The hands that she tightly held on to, are now left to hold each other’s arms.

My joy! She’s always been a joy, right from the day she was born. The calm one, independent yet makes you feel needed. Always giving pleasant surprises…

Feels like just yesterday,

The shy little one was standing steady, staring at the audience, without muttering a single word, when the kids all around her was singing out loud in a performance at school. A year later, the same shy girl, makes her mom feels guilty, because mommy didn’t being the camera, to capture that surprising moment, when the little one, sang her heart out in a Christmas celebration at school…… The proudest moment….That’s an image that I will never forget. It’s all so clear in my mind, for there was no cameras to capture it…

Growing up in the shadow of a “smart” brother, she never seemed bothered by it, when teachers, even at high school, constantly compared her to her brother, stating she’s not as smart. She smiled it off, and boy, didn’t she get the laugh of her life, when she proved them all wrong? Attagirl!

But for me,

She’s not just the calm, independent, mature girl, that I miss…. She’s my joy, she’s the one that I held on to when I missed my boy, she’s the one who challenged me to do impossible things,  in her usual casual way, she’s my “finder-upper”, of all things I misplaced…. She’s the one who maintained her cool, she’s the one who gave pleasant surprises… And she’s still just a little one for me….

I know she will be fine. She will try to be safe. She’s got a sensible head on her tiny shoulders. She has found her path, all by herself, all along. So why wouldn’t she now? Yet, the mother in me worry just a tiny bit. Well, that’s what makes us mothers,right?

Eighteen years ago, when I was left to take care of child birth myself, along with a 3 year old and a caring husband, my father said the magic words. “If you feel you don’t have anyone, you have God”, he said. Those words did work like magic, giving me the confidence that I needed then, making everything easy for me.

I don’t know whether I believe in God these days, but I believe in the power of my father’s (and mother’s too )words, his presence even when he is not present.

I was saying goodbye to our friend and family, who has taken upon them, to take care of my little girl. “I am relieved that you all are here”, I said.

My friend’s, octogenarian, religious mother, immediately said, “I will pray to God to take care of everything”.

No, I don’t believe in prayers. But I believe in the power of words, my father’s words, thru my friend’s mother’s words, when I needed to hear them, the good intentions behind the words, the power, the strength that only words can provide…. I felt the presence of my late father comforting me, when I needed it.

Yup, she will be fine. I wish her happiness and safety,  in this land away from home. As always, all I wish my children is to “have fun and be good”. To which they would have promptly reply, ” We ARE good”.  So be it. All the best my dear!

Have fun and be good!

Even then, Celine Dion could not have said it better, what the mother in me wishes for….

I pray you’ll be my eyes
And watch her where she goes
And help her to be wise
Help me to let go
Every mother’s prayer
Every child knows
Lead her to a place
Guide her with your grace
To a place where she’ll be safe….”

and of course,

If you ever need a place to cry
Baby, come to me
Come to me
I’ve always known that you were born to fly
But you can come to me
If the world breaks your heart
No matter where on Earth you are
You can come to me…..”

I won’t give up


imageI was pulling my car out on to the road. Too many thoughts in my mind, making it hard to concentrate. Yet, through the corner of my eye, I couldn’t help but see her, a large lovely orange flower. She seems to scream out loud, “Hey lady, look at me, see how lovely I am, do you see me?”.

Well, I had no choice, but to stop the car and get out. I walked up to the flower. So beautiful and lively! She had drops of water on her, like a mother’s tears, that you often seen on the indoor plants. She seems to own the world!

A few weeks back, the plant was so dry, not carrying any flowers. And now today, the plant seems to have fought it thru and seems to be showing of its prized possession. Somehow, spending a few minutes, enjoying the beauty of this flower, seems to have lightened the heaviness in my mind…

It’s been three years since the last update in this blog, says WordPress. Somehow, it’s time to update it again. To the thoughts that cross your mind, when you see something, feel something, as some pictures, some simple things in life, brings in happiness or sadness, or just any emotion that you would want to recreate…. So here I go again, after 3 years of silence…

The music for this one is of course from Jason Mraz… Enjoy!

 

 

Take a bow


Take a bow

The queen of Arabian Sea, Kochi hosted the first ever International Half Marathon yesterday, Sunday December 29, 2013. Its been a great day, for young and old, for runners and aspiring runners…and even for the spectators who were witnessing Kochi’s first ever International Half Marathon.

I signed up for Kochi fun run, not to race (obviously), but just to be be in the middle of it all. To be part of all the action, to see the joy, the sweat, the energy, tears of happiness if any…. just to see it all. For I thought, it would inspire me to go the distance, to feel it all in me, some day soon.. Soles of Cochin (Cochin Runners) were the players in my playground..

Boy, how little did I know! If I could transfer all the energy and action into movements, I would be flying thru a full marathon with all smiles…

Soles of Cochin, you guys and girls rock!

The vibrant green tee’s that they wore were a perfect match to their personalities. Handshakes, hugs and huddle, it started with it all… I was amazed by their enthusiasm and energy, just as much as their goofiness and friendly ways. Veterans and first timers, all excited to the max, no nervousness, no fear.. only anticipation and excitement…and off they went as the show started. As we started out for the fun run, I was desperately hoping to be back at the stadium before the marathoners came back!

Back at the stadium, it didn’t take long for us to spot the front runners of Soles. Congratulations and sweaty hugs.. It was an amazing feeling to stand along with the Soles family, cheering on every entrant to the stadium. You spot a green tee, the cheers go up.. And as you find the first timers running in, don’t know where the goosebumps came from.. Possibly its for the inner hope of becoming a first time marathon runner sometime in the near future… Well, that’s exactly what I wanted to get out of this visit..

As the results and announcements came in, Soles went wild.. Victory laps, celebrations.. But hey, the real celebration was yet to start. Someone had the nerve to invite all these wild folks into their home for breakfast! 🙂 We tagged along uninvited, but we were made to feel like family by this lovely couple and the rest of the Soles team! Breakfast complete with “Soles of Cochin” cake, a toast and plans for evening family get together.. Conversations led to identification of celebrities from among the group, and a strange way to get your fear out by conquering fear itself!

I may not have run a half marathon at Kochi yesterday, but the feeling was one of achievement. Being part of all this gives me a motivation, gives me hope that it is achievable, if I put my mind and body to it.

Does it really matter that much? To be a marathon runner?

I guess it is more about achieving something that you think is beyond you. And of course, it comes with a benefit of being healthy. So why not?

The experience of being at Kochi, and more importantly coming in as Tracs Trivandrum team, and yet being part of Soles of Cochin team, made it worth every second.

The goal of a run is now changed into a dream, and more importantly to an achievable dream. The discipline in the practice, the camaraderie, team work, motivation, support and most importantly pushing fellow team members to achieve a goal, while having a whole lot of fun, is what makes Soles so special.

As a virtual member of the group I have been witnessing it all, but being there physically with them changes everything for the better. I hope Trivandrum Runners Club (Tracs) turn into a such a group that act in as support system for one and all..

Thanks to everyone at the Soles of Cochin team! You all are an inspiration.. Take a bow, folks!

I heard multiple times someone or other say, “Its not hard, its all in your mind”. As I returned back to my real life at Trivandrum and as I glanced thru my email, I couldn’t help notice the email from TED, announcing the latest TED Talk by Diana Nyad, aptly titled “Never ever give up”.

Hmm… Mind games? Just what I wanted to hear? You decide. Spend 15 minutes to see what Diana has to say. Its worth it.

This experience with Soles and Kochi Marathon, keeps the thought of running and the possibilities of running a marathon alive. And as Diana Nyad sings “Imagine” and counts her strokes, I am gonna sing to myself Jason Mraz’s “Living in the moment”. For every time I sing along the song with Jason, target to run 0.5km or more…

As for the brothers and sisters of Soles & Tracs, counting on you to make the dream come true… Borrowing Jason Mraz’s lyrics…

“And if I fall asleep
I know you’ll be the one who’ll always remind me
To live in the moment
To live my life
Easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
With peace in my heart
Got peace in my soul
Wherever I’m going, I’m already home……”
– Living in the moment, Jason Mraz

Someday soon, we will celebrate..

Cake is on me, I promise!

Until then…. Living in the moment and attempting to run…..

Thanks everyone and here’s wishing you all a happy healthy New Year!

If I could … Return to Pooh Corner


If I could

A photograph from years ago. What is the little one looking at? Is he staring at a tiny ant that is passing by? Or is he amazed by his own shadow?

Oh, such lovely hair, all so curly and tied on the top. Well, the hair style, nope, it was not his choice.
Wearing his favorite Lion king shorts and tee, he is just so cute..

In my mind, I can still see the little one, just the way he is, In his curly hair and lion king clothes.

And if I were to call him to turn, look at me, I would have got the cutest of the smiles that you would ever see… How do I know, you ask? Well, I know for sure, its my little boy!

Oh no, this is taking me back to the good old days with “Winnie the Pooh” , “Lion King” and
“Back to the days of Christopher Robin and Pooh “….

“It’s hard to explain how a few precious things
Seem to follow throughout all our lives
After all’s said and done I was watching my son
Sleeping there with my bear by his side
So I tucked him in, I kissed him and as I was going
I swear that the old bear whispered “Boy welcome home”

– Kenny Loggins, “Return to Pooh Corner”


Well, reality is that kids grow up. They grow up faster than you can imagine, and at times their life takes them away from home… and you wish for the return to the Pooh corner….

Today is a celebration for my baby, for he was born on this date. For the first time in all these years, he is away from home, but not away from our hearts. We will celebrate for you, dear and you can have fun too.

For me, he is still my little boy, even though he is all grown up. My pride! And as I sit here, miles and miles away from him, all I could think of is what… if I could…

If I could, I would be with you.

If I could, I would give you a hug ( and you would shrug it off :))

If I could, I would take a photograph ( and you will turn your face away :))

and if I could……

If I could, I would try to shield your innocence from time
But that part of life I gave you isn’t mine
I watched you grow so I could let you go
If, if I could, I would help you make it through those hungry years
But I know that I can never cry your tears, but I would, if I could
Yes, I would, yes, I would, if I could

– Barbra Streisand,  “If I could

Happy Birthday dear… Wishing many more returns of the day… Enjoy!

In Memoriam


She was the smartest girl I knew while in school
And I wasn’t even in her school.

She was the cutest face that I’ve seen in school
And she wasn’t even in my school.

Yet, I still remember seeing the picture of a cute, smart, short girl, with hair plaited on both sides in a high school year book. A year book filled with pictures of her, winning awards and more. That picture which I had seen probably 20+ years ago, is still in my memory, clearer than ever.

And when I finally got to know her,
She was the sweetest person, I ever knew.

Today I mourn the loss of a sweet smart girl. A mother, a wife, a sister and most importantly a great friend for all her friends.

When I lost my father, she called and cried.
When she lost her dad, I was at loss of words to console.

Out of the blue, she would call her friend, my husband. She talk for long and then it is her turn to talk to me, again for a long long time.

Even last week she called. She made a promise to call back later, when he would be near me, and she could talk to both of us.

Well, that is a promise that will never be kept. I won’t hear her soothing words. She will never call again….

Hard to believe, cannot accept. However, the truth is hard to deny.

My prayers are with her friends and the loving family that she left behind.

“I love to read what you have to say, you are so creative, so touching “… her words were endless when it came to talking about this silly blog of mine.

If I don’t write for her today, whom should I ever write about??

Gloria, you will be missed…

Butterfly Kisses


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“Its going to be a girl”, the nurse stated, much to my delight. As I walked out of the doctor’s office in Carrollton, the feeling in my mind was one of pure joy. I am gonna have a girl!  I got into my car, turned on to KVIL and was driving back home… and then I heard it…

“There’s two things I know for sure:
She was sent here from heaven and she’s daddy’s little girl.
As I drop to my knees by her bed at night
She talks to Jesus and I close my eyes
and I thank god for all of the joy in my life
Oh, but most of all
For butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer;
sticking little white flowers all up in her hair;…..”

The song was “Butterfly Kisses” by Bob Carlisle…. What a song!

Yup, she’s gonna be her daddy’s little girl, just like I was, to my dad.

Well, that’s was years ago…….

“Sweet 16 today
She’s looking like her mama a little more everyday”. No, not really. Lucky for her  🙂

It feels like it was just yesterday that she was born. A quiet little girl, who slept thru without any fuss, when she was young, and who grew up to be just the sweetest and a wise one too…

My joy!

She surprises me often with her words. She inspires me to be more, to do more..

“You can do it.”, she says, when I pause, questioning myself.

And at times,

“How do you think you can inspire others, when you cannot even motivate yourself to do what you want to do”? The words of wisdom from a nine or was she ten at the time?

And off late, I say “Be good”, and prompt came the reply, “When was I ever not good? “.

Yeah, funny girl… You’ve always been good. Yes, be good. Always!

Just yesterday, she was showing me the video of her first Mohiniyattom performance. A tiny little girl, who was not even eight at the time, dancing to the tunes of Cholkettu, that too, a 11 minute performance! And there she is on the stage….. 

To my joy, this day, I wish a very happy birthday…..

Wishing many many years of health and happiness to you dear!