February 17, 2012

Four years! 4 years since my mother passed away. Almost four years of being back at God’s Own Country. As I look back, my mind still questions my actions..

Why? why did I let my mother fly away? Why didn’t I come back home earlier?

How wonderful it would have been for my mom, to see my kids grow, spend time with them, pamper them (just as she used to do).

Why did I steal the joy away from her? Why didn’t I come back earlier?? Why? why? why??

Why do I question, when I already know the answer?

Don’t I remember the words of advice that she used to share, whenever I worry about things that I cannot control?

“Everything happens for a reason, why worry about things that you cannot control?” she used to say.

And this one was no different. It all happened the way it did, for that’s how it was meant to be….it all happened for a reason….

Reading my diary, from a Sunday in February of 2008, written just about 2 weeks prior to my mother’s death, at a time when I was worried about my mother’s health and was near her, I am reminded of her message… sharing the note….


Sunday, February 3, 2008
That’s who she is…

Last week, I was worried, crying out my fears over the telephone line.

“It is the biggest purchase of my life. I don’t know what to do, don’t know if it is the right one”. I cried out to the person at the other end.

“Did you talk about it? Do you have any other choice?”, she asked.

“Yes, but nothing is going to change it now. The decision has been made.”, I replied.

“Ok, then why do you worry? Remember, whatever happens, happens for a reason. Whatever is going to happen, happens for the good”, she was trying to calm me down.

I know, I know, remembering the words on the wall hanging. I can understand what she was trying to do. If things are not in your control and if you cannot do anything about it, why worry?

That’s what she always does. Bringing my spirits up when they are low, giving me strength when I need them. What would I do without her?

I am in this world,
Because of her
I learn to speak,
Because of her
My first word,
Spoken to address her
My first hero,
She is the one, for sure.

What do you want to be?
I was asked, as a child
A teacher,
I would reply,
Just because she was one.

I learned to be brave,
When cowardice was not a choice
I learned to be independent,
Just like she is
I learned to care,
Since she cared for others
I learned to ignore,
For things that didn’t matter
I was human,
For that’s what taught me to be
I learned to be a mother
that’s who she is,
A mother, my mother!
Posted by HM at 7:51 AM

Remembering the happiness shared with my mom, feeling the presence, and still wishing she were here…..


2 thoughts on “Mama….

  1. Sreejith Panickar

    So touching Hema. Just remember those great lines whenever you face a problem in life. You are a blessed daughter. She IS proud of you. Hope at least one person among the many who neglect their parents in their old age comes across this post and may that bring a change in a few lives.

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