Mother’s Prayer


My little one is starting school today. She’s getting into a new phase in her life, miles away from home.  As an adult, far away from home, away from the comfort of the supportive hands that held her tiny fingers, as she took her first steps.

She leaves behind an empty nest. The hands that she tightly held on to, are now left to hold each other’s arms.

My joy! She’s always been a joy, right from the day she was born. The calm one, independent yet makes you feel needed. Always giving pleasant surprises…

Feels like just yesterday,

The shy little one was standing steady, staring at the audience, without muttering a single word, when the kids all around her was singing out loud in a performance at school. A year later, the same shy girl, makes her mom feels guilty, because mommy didn’t being the camera, to capture that surprising moment, when the little one, sang her heart out in a Christmas celebration at school…… The proudest moment….That’s an image that I will never forget. It’s all so clear in my mind, for there was no cameras to capture it…

Growing up in the shadow of a “smart” brother, she never seemed bothered by it, when teachers, even at high school, constantly compared her to her brother, stating she’s not as smart. She smiled it off, and boy, didn’t she get the laugh of her life, when she proved them all wrong? Attagirl!

But for me,

She’s not just the calm, independent, mature girl, that I miss…. She’s my joy, she’s the one that I held on to when I missed my boy, she’s the one who challenged me to do impossible things,  in her usual casual way, she’s my “finder-upper”, of all things I misplaced…. She’s the one who maintained her cool, she’s the one who gave pleasant surprises… And she’s still just a little one for me….

I know she will be fine. She will try to be safe. She’s got a sensible head on her tiny shoulders. She has found her path, all by herself, all along. So why wouldn’t she now? Yet, the mother in me worry just a tiny bit. Well, that’s what makes us mothers,right?

Eighteen years ago, when I was left to take care of child birth myself, along with a 3 year old and a caring husband, my father said the magic words. “If you feel you don’t have anyone, you have God”, he said. Those words did work like magic, giving me the confidence that I needed then, making everything easy for me.

I don’t know whether I believe in God these days, but I believe in the power of my father’s (and mother’s too )words, his presence even when he is not present.

I was saying goodbye to our friend and family, who has taken upon them, to take care of my little girl. “I am relieved that you all are here”, I said.

My friend’s, octogenarian, religious mother, immediately said, “I will pray to God to take care of everything”.

No, I don’t believe in prayers. But I believe in the power of words, my father’s words, thru my friend’s mother’s words, when I needed to hear them, the good intentions behind the words, the power, the strength that only words can provide…. I felt the presence of my late father comforting me, when I needed it.

Yup, she will be fine. I wish her happiness and safety,  in this land away from home. As always, all I wish my children is to “have fun and be good”. To which they would have promptly reply, ” We ARE good”.  So be it. All the best my dear!

Have fun and be good!

Even then, Celine Dion could not have said it better, what the mother in me wishes for….

I pray you’ll be my eyes
And watch her where she goes
And help her to be wise
Help me to let go
Every mother’s prayer
Every child knows
Lead her to a place
Guide her with your grace
To a place where she’ll be safe….”

and of course,

If you ever need a place to cry
Baby, come to me
Come to me
I’ve always known that you were born to fly
But you can come to me
If the world breaks your heart
No matter where on Earth you are
You can come to me…..”

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Take a bow


Take a bow

The queen of Arabian Sea, Kochi hosted the first ever International Half Marathon yesterday, Sunday December 29, 2013. Its been a great day, for young and old, for runners and aspiring runners…and even for the spectators who were witnessing Kochi’s first ever International Half Marathon.

I signed up for Kochi fun run, not to race (obviously), but just to be be in the middle of it all. To be part of all the action, to see the joy, the sweat, the energy, tears of happiness if any…. just to see it all. For I thought, it would inspire me to go the distance, to feel it all in me, some day soon.. Soles of Cochin (Cochin Runners) were the players in my playground..

Boy, how little did I know! If I could transfer all the energy and action into movements, I would be flying thru a full marathon with all smiles…

Soles of Cochin, you guys and girls rock!

The vibrant green tee’s that they wore were a perfect match to their personalities. Handshakes, hugs and huddle, it started with it all… I was amazed by their enthusiasm and energy, just as much as their goofiness and friendly ways. Veterans and first timers, all excited to the max, no nervousness, no fear.. only anticipation and excitement…and off they went as the show started. As we started out for the fun run, I was desperately hoping to be back at the stadium before the marathoners came back!

Back at the stadium, it didn’t take long for us to spot the front runners of Soles. Congratulations and sweaty hugs.. It was an amazing feeling to stand along with the Soles family, cheering on every entrant to the stadium. You spot a green tee, the cheers go up.. And as you find the first timers running in, don’t know where the goosebumps came from.. Possibly its for the inner hope of becoming a first time marathon runner sometime in the near future… Well, that’s exactly what I wanted to get out of this visit..

As the results and announcements came in, Soles went wild.. Victory laps, celebrations.. But hey, the real celebration was yet to start. Someone had the nerve to invite all these wild folks into their home for breakfast! 🙂 We tagged along uninvited, but we were made to feel like family by this lovely couple and the rest of the Soles team! Breakfast complete with “Soles of Cochin” cake, a toast and plans for evening family get together.. Conversations led to identification of celebrities from among the group, and a strange way to get your fear out by conquering fear itself!

I may not have run a half marathon at Kochi yesterday, but the feeling was one of achievement. Being part of all this gives me a motivation, gives me hope that it is achievable, if I put my mind and body to it.

Does it really matter that much? To be a marathon runner?

I guess it is more about achieving something that you think is beyond you. And of course, it comes with a benefit of being healthy. So why not?

The experience of being at Kochi, and more importantly coming in as Tracs Trivandrum team, and yet being part of Soles of Cochin team, made it worth every second.

The goal of a run is now changed into a dream, and more importantly to an achievable dream. The discipline in the practice, the camaraderie, team work, motivation, support and most importantly pushing fellow team members to achieve a goal, while having a whole lot of fun, is what makes Soles so special.

As a virtual member of the group I have been witnessing it all, but being there physically with them changes everything for the better. I hope Trivandrum Runners Club (Tracs) turn into a such a group that act in as support system for one and all..

Thanks to everyone at the Soles of Cochin team! You all are an inspiration.. Take a bow, folks!

I heard multiple times someone or other say, “Its not hard, its all in your mind”. As I returned back to my real life at Trivandrum and as I glanced thru my email, I couldn’t help notice the email from TED, announcing the latest TED Talk by Diana Nyad, aptly titled “Never ever give up”.

Hmm… Mind games? Just what I wanted to hear? You decide. Spend 15 minutes to see what Diana has to say. Its worth it.

This experience with Soles and Kochi Marathon, keeps the thought of running and the possibilities of running a marathon alive. And as Diana Nyad sings “Imagine” and counts her strokes, I am gonna sing to myself Jason Mraz’s “Living in the moment”. For every time I sing along the song with Jason, target to run 0.5km or more…

As for the brothers and sisters of Soles & Tracs, counting on you to make the dream come true… Borrowing Jason Mraz’s lyrics…

“And if I fall asleep
I know you’ll be the one who’ll always remind me
To live in the moment
To live my life
Easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
With peace in my heart
Got peace in my soul
Wherever I’m going, I’m already home……”
– Living in the moment, Jason Mraz

Someday soon, we will celebrate..

Cake is on me, I promise!

Until then…. Living in the moment and attempting to run…..

Thanks everyone and here’s wishing you all a happy healthy New Year!

If I could … Return to Pooh Corner


If I could

A photograph from years ago. What is the little one looking at? Is he staring at a tiny ant that is passing by? Or is he amazed by his own shadow?

Oh, such lovely hair, all so curly and tied on the top. Well, the hair style, nope, it was not his choice.
Wearing his favorite Lion king shorts and tee, he is just so cute..

In my mind, I can still see the little one, just the way he is, In his curly hair and lion king clothes.

And if I were to call him to turn, look at me, I would have got the cutest of the smiles that you would ever see… How do I know, you ask? Well, I know for sure, its my little boy!

Oh no, this is taking me back to the good old days with “Winnie the Pooh” , “Lion King” and
“Back to the days of Christopher Robin and Pooh “….

“It’s hard to explain how a few precious things
Seem to follow throughout all our lives
After all’s said and done I was watching my son
Sleeping there with my bear by his side
So I tucked him in, I kissed him and as I was going
I swear that the old bear whispered “Boy welcome home”

– Kenny Loggins, “Return to Pooh Corner”


Well, reality is that kids grow up. They grow up faster than you can imagine, and at times their life takes them away from home… and you wish for the return to the Pooh corner….

Today is a celebration for my baby, for he was born on this date. For the first time in all these years, he is away from home, but not away from our hearts. We will celebrate for you, dear and you can have fun too.

For me, he is still my little boy, even though he is all grown up. My pride! And as I sit here, miles and miles away from him, all I could think of is what… if I could…

If I could, I would be with you.

If I could, I would give you a hug ( and you would shrug it off :))

If I could, I would take a photograph ( and you will turn your face away :))

and if I could……

If I could, I would try to shield your innocence from time
But that part of life I gave you isn’t mine
I watched you grow so I could let you go
If, if I could, I would help you make it through those hungry years
But I know that I can never cry your tears, but I would, if I could
Yes, I would, yes, I would, if I could

– Barbra Streisand,  “If I could

Happy Birthday dear… Wishing many more returns of the day… Enjoy!

In Memoriam


She was the smartest girl I knew while in school
And I wasn’t even in her school.

She was the cutest face that I’ve seen in school
And she wasn’t even in my school.

Yet, I still remember seeing the picture of a cute, smart, short girl, with hair plaited on both sides in a high school year book. A year book filled with pictures of her, winning awards and more. That picture which I had seen probably 20+ years ago, is still in my memory, clearer than ever.

And when I finally got to know her,
She was the sweetest person, I ever knew.

Today I mourn the loss of a sweet smart girl. A mother, a wife, a sister and most importantly a great friend for all her friends.

When I lost my father, she called and cried.
When she lost her dad, I was at loss of words to console.

Out of the blue, she would call her friend, my husband. She talk for long and then it is her turn to talk to me, again for a long long time.

Even last week she called. She made a promise to call back later, when he would be near me, and she could talk to both of us.

Well, that is a promise that will never be kept. I won’t hear her soothing words. She will never call again….

Hard to believe, cannot accept. However, the truth is hard to deny.

My prayers are with her friends and the loving family that she left behind.

“I love to read what you have to say, you are so creative, so touching “… her words were endless when it came to talking about this silly blog of mine.

If I don’t write for her today, whom should I ever write about??

Gloria, you will be missed…

Butterfly Kisses


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“Its going to be a girl”, the nurse stated, much to my delight. As I walked out of the doctor’s office in Carrollton, the feeling in my mind was one of pure joy. I am gonna have a girl!  I got into my car, turned on to KVIL and was driving back home… and then I heard it…

“There’s two things I know for sure:
She was sent here from heaven and she’s daddy’s little girl.
As I drop to my knees by her bed at night
She talks to Jesus and I close my eyes
and I thank god for all of the joy in my life
Oh, but most of all
For butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer;
sticking little white flowers all up in her hair;…..”

The song was “Butterfly Kisses” by Bob Carlisle…. What a song!

Yup, she’s gonna be her daddy’s little girl, just like I was, to my dad.

Well, that’s was years ago…….

“Sweet 16 today
She’s looking like her mama a little more everyday”. No, not really. Lucky for her  🙂

It feels like it was just yesterday that she was born. A quiet little girl, who slept thru without any fuss, when she was young, and who grew up to be just the sweetest and a wise one too…

My joy!

She surprises me often with her words. She inspires me to be more, to do more..

“You can do it.”, she says, when I pause, questioning myself.

And at times,

“How do you think you can inspire others, when you cannot even motivate yourself to do what you want to do”? The words of wisdom from a nine or was she ten at the time?

And off late, I say “Be good”, and prompt came the reply, “When was I ever not good? “.

Yeah, funny girl… You’ve always been good. Yes, be good. Always!

Just yesterday, she was showing me the video of her first Mohiniyattom performance. A tiny little girl, who was not even eight at the time, dancing to the tunes of Cholkettu, that too, a 11 minute performance! And there she is on the stage….. 

To my joy, this day, I wish a very happy birthday…..

Wishing many many years of health and happiness to you dear!

Bon Voyage…


Baby bird is flying away. Flying away to a far away land, the land that holds a lot of promises for the baby bird. Leaving Chrysalis, and flying far far away…

Time just passes by. Looking back, the transformation as years go by, is just fascinating.

It feels strange thinking yesterday, he was just a small kid. The one who reminded mama, “I am a big kid now”…

Singing along Barney songs, Lion King’s “Hakkuna Matata, It means don’t worry”.. And graduating then to Greenday, Eminem, Pink Floyd and many more…

A “Top Dog” at school, reading all the books he could get hold off, from fiction to fantasies and science fictions.. Books and then to movies, TV Shows and to podcasts…

But of all the things that he picked up along the years, one thing remains constant. The ability to laugh at the simple things …
And for me he still remains, my pride.. my little boy…

On this Independence day, my boy is starting out on a journey, far away from the family. He is starting out for school, with a plan to learn something that he wants to learn. Along the way, I am sure he get to learn a lot of life lessons too…

I am happy for my little boy. Yet, the mother in me, is a tiny bit worried. The thought of not being able to see him for a long long time, breaks my heart. The tears just doesn’t stop. “Don’t cry, Mommy”, he says. I wish it would stop…

Wish you all the very best, my dear!

Almost about two decades ago, I was preparing for a travel like this. Travel to the land of free. I remember my excitement at the time. My mom and dad, were happy yet sad. At the time, I don’t think I ever knew what they felt. But now, I know it very well.

A feeling of happiness, accompanied by a sadness… I know it now. Remembering the teary eyes of my parents and feeling those emotions…

Wishing my little boy all the very best, and knowing in my mind that he will be just fine…

I remain… a parent, just like mine were….

What goes around comes around…

The Way We Are…


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Memories,
Light the corners of my mind
Misty water-colored memories
Of the way we were
Scattered pictures,
Of the smiles we left behind
Smiles we gave to one another
For the way we were
Can it be that it was all so simple then?
Or has time re-written every line?
If we had the chance to do it all again
Tell me, would we? Could we?
Memories, may be beautiful and yet
What’s too painful to remember
We simply choose to forget
So it’s the laughter
We will remember
Whenever we remember…
The way we were…
The way we were… — Barbra Streisand

Two decades of togetherness!!!

Feels like just yesterday that the journey started…

It was raining in the morning… It rained at night… don’t you remember?

What did we learn from along this journey?

In many ways, we are opposites, than we are similar..

Isn’t that the beauty of  our relationship? 

We were together, we were apart..

Being away for a short time

Got us to where we are never apart.

The tears along the way

Made the smiles that followed, to stay.

The freedom that you gave me

Turned on my wings to fly

The words of wisdom that you shared

Led me to live my dreams.

If it weren’t for you,

Our children would not be the same

And who am I kidding,?

Even the food on the table may not be just as good….

And oh, our (my) arguments…

How can we live without that?

There ain’t nothing as sweet as its ending.

Twenty years, has just come and gone…

I wish upon for another twenty and more

All along with you, just the way we are.

You are not perfect, ( and so am I)

But you are perfect just for me…

A toast for years and years of togetherness

With the tears and the smiles…

Come, let’s grow old together…

Happy Anniversary dear!