Supermarket Flowers


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“Ting”.. the messenger new message tone woke me up from my random thoughts.

A link to a youtube video. Ed Sheeran’s “Perfect” song.

“Its really good”, A song from my little one, with the comment.

I don’t know how she figures out that I am in need for a good song to calm my mind. She does it all the time. Good music soothes me down.. Calms my mind. But the beauty is in getting to hear them when you need them the most and for me, my girl seems to know from far far away, whenever mom is in need of a good song. My blessings!

So, there I am listening to Ed’s “Perfect”. Yup a great song on love. As usual, I go on to click the links to the other new songs and  I come across “Supermarket Flowers”.

A lovely song, that got me to tears as I looked thru the old album pictures of a vacation spent with mom and dad and my family…

The silence is deafing these days. Mind is unsettled. These are the times, that I would have picked up a phone and called mom…. and dad… They would have listened to my unnecessary worries and would have calmed me down. Oh how, I miss hearing their words!

Dad always told me don’t you cry when you’re down
But mum there’s a tear every time that I blink
Oh I’m in pieces it’s tearing me up but I know 
A heart that’s broke is a heart that’s been loved”……

Ed sings it so beautifully… and my tears just flows….

I hope that I see the world as you did cause I know
A life with love is a life that’s been lived
So I’ll sing Hallelujah, you were an angel in the shape of my mum
When I fell down you’d be there holding me up …..

How I wish I could have my angels by side, holding me up everytime I fall……..

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Mother’s Prayer


My little one is starting school today. She’s getting into a new phase in her life, miles away from home.  As an adult, far away from home, away from the comfort of the supportive hands that held her tiny fingers, as she took her first steps.

She leaves behind an empty nest. The hands that she tightly held on to, are now left to hold each other’s arms.

My joy! She’s always been a joy, right from the day she was born. The calm one, independent yet makes you feel needed. Always giving pleasant surprises…

Feels like just yesterday,

The shy little one was standing steady, staring at the audience, without muttering a single word, when the kids all around her was singing out loud in a performance at school. A year later, the same shy girl, makes her mom feels guilty, because mommy didn’t being the camera, to capture that surprising moment, when the little one, sang her heart out in a Christmas celebration at school…… The proudest moment….That’s an image that I will never forget. It’s all so clear in my mind, for there was no cameras to capture it…

Growing up in the shadow of a “smart” brother, she never seemed bothered by it, when teachers, even at high school, constantly compared her to her brother, stating she’s not as smart. She smiled it off, and boy, didn’t she get the laugh of her life, when she proved them all wrong? Attagirl!

But for me,

She’s not just the calm, independent, mature girl, that I miss…. She’s my joy, she’s the one that I held on to when I missed my boy, she’s the one who challenged me to do impossible things,  in her usual casual way, she’s my “finder-upper”, of all things I misplaced…. She’s the one who maintained her cool, she’s the one who gave pleasant surprises… And she’s still just a little one for me….

I know she will be fine. She will try to be safe. She’s got a sensible head on her tiny shoulders. She has found her path, all by herself, all along. So why wouldn’t she now? Yet, the mother in me worry just a tiny bit. Well, that’s what makes us mothers,right?

Eighteen years ago, when I was left to take care of child birth myself, along with a 3 year old and a caring husband, my father said the magic words. “If you feel you don’t have anyone, you have God”, he said. Those words did work like magic, giving me the confidence that I needed then, making everything easy for me.

I don’t know whether I believe in God these days, but I believe in the power of my father’s (and mother’s too )words, his presence even when he is not present.

I was saying goodbye to our friend and family, who has taken upon them, to take care of my little girl. “I am relieved that you all are here”, I said.

My friend’s, octogenarian, religious mother, immediately said, “I will pray to God to take care of everything”.

No, I don’t believe in prayers. But I believe in the power of words, my father’s words, thru my friend’s mother’s words, when I needed to hear them, the good intentions behind the words, the power, the strength that only words can provide…. I felt the presence of my late father comforting me, when I needed it.

Yup, she will be fine. I wish her happiness and safety,  in this land away from home. As always, all I wish my children is to “have fun and be good”. To which they would have promptly reply, ” We ARE good”.  So be it. All the best my dear!

Have fun and be good!

Even then, Celine Dion could not have said it better, what the mother in me wishes for….

I pray you’ll be my eyes
And watch her where she goes
And help her to be wise
Help me to let go
Every mother’s prayer
Every child knows
Lead her to a place
Guide her with your grace
To a place where she’ll be safe….”

and of course,

If you ever need a place to cry
Baby, come to me
Come to me
I’ve always known that you were born to fly
But you can come to me
If the world breaks your heart
No matter where on Earth you are
You can come to me…..”

I won’t give up


imageI was pulling my car out on to the road. Too many thoughts in my mind, making it hard to concentrate. Yet, through the corner of my eye, I couldn’t help but see her, a large lovely orange flower. She seems to scream out loud, “Hey lady, look at me, see how lovely I am, do you see me?”.

Well, I had no choice, but to stop the car and get out. I walked up to the flower. So beautiful and lively! She had drops of water on her, like a mother’s tears, that you often seen on the indoor plants. She seems to own the world!

A few weeks back, the plant was so dry, not carrying any flowers. And now today, the plant seems to have fought it thru and seems to be showing of its prized possession. Somehow, spending a few minutes, enjoying the beauty of this flower, seems to have lightened the heaviness in my mind…

It’s been three years since the last update in this blog, says WordPress. Somehow, it’s time to update it again. To the thoughts that cross your mind, when you see something, feel something, as some pictures, some simple things in life, brings in happiness or sadness, or just any emotion that you would want to recreate…. So here I go again, after 3 years of silence…

The music for this one is of course from Jason Mraz… Enjoy!

 

 

If I could … Return to Pooh Corner


If I could

A photograph from years ago. What is the little one looking at? Is he staring at a tiny ant that is passing by? Or is he amazed by his own shadow?

Oh, such lovely hair, all so curly and tied on the top. Well, the hair style, nope, it was not his choice.
Wearing his favorite Lion king shorts and tee, he is just so cute..

In my mind, I can still see the little one, just the way he is, In his curly hair and lion king clothes.

And if I were to call him to turn, look at me, I would have got the cutest of the smiles that you would ever see… How do I know, you ask? Well, I know for sure, its my little boy!

Oh no, this is taking me back to the good old days with “Winnie the Pooh” , “Lion King” and
“Back to the days of Christopher Robin and Pooh “….

“It’s hard to explain how a few precious things
Seem to follow throughout all our lives
After all’s said and done I was watching my son
Sleeping there with my bear by his side
So I tucked him in, I kissed him and as I was going
I swear that the old bear whispered “Boy welcome home”

– Kenny Loggins, “Return to Pooh Corner”


Well, reality is that kids grow up. They grow up faster than you can imagine, and at times their life takes them away from home… and you wish for the return to the Pooh corner….

Today is a celebration for my baby, for he was born on this date. For the first time in all these years, he is away from home, but not away from our hearts. We will celebrate for you, dear and you can have fun too.

For me, he is still my little boy, even though he is all grown up. My pride! And as I sit here, miles and miles away from him, all I could think of is what… if I could…

If I could, I would be with you.

If I could, I would give you a hug ( and you would shrug it off :))

If I could, I would take a photograph ( and you will turn your face away :))

and if I could……

If I could, I would try to shield your innocence from time
But that part of life I gave you isn’t mine
I watched you grow so I could let you go
If, if I could, I would help you make it through those hungry years
But I know that I can never cry your tears, but I would, if I could
Yes, I would, yes, I would, if I could

– Barbra Streisand,  “If I could

Happy Birthday dear… Wishing many more returns of the day… Enjoy!

Butterfly Kisses


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“Its going to be a girl”, the nurse stated, much to my delight. As I walked out of the doctor’s office in Carrollton, the feeling in my mind was one of pure joy. I am gonna have a girl!  I got into my car, turned on to KVIL and was driving back home… and then I heard it…

“There’s two things I know for sure:
She was sent here from heaven and she’s daddy’s little girl.
As I drop to my knees by her bed at night
She talks to Jesus and I close my eyes
and I thank god for all of the joy in my life
Oh, but most of all
For butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer;
sticking little white flowers all up in her hair;…..”

The song was “Butterfly Kisses” by Bob Carlisle…. What a song!

Yup, she’s gonna be her daddy’s little girl, just like I was, to my dad.

Well, that’s was years ago…….

“Sweet 16 today
She’s looking like her mama a little more everyday”. No, not really. Lucky for her  🙂

It feels like it was just yesterday that she was born. A quiet little girl, who slept thru without any fuss, when she was young, and who grew up to be just the sweetest and a wise one too…

My joy!

She surprises me often with her words. She inspires me to be more, to do more..

“You can do it.”, she says, when I pause, questioning myself.

And at times,

“How do you think you can inspire others, when you cannot even motivate yourself to do what you want to do”? The words of wisdom from a nine or was she ten at the time?

And off late, I say “Be good”, and prompt came the reply, “When was I ever not good? “.

Yeah, funny girl… You’ve always been good. Yes, be good. Always!

Just yesterday, she was showing me the video of her first Mohiniyattom performance. A tiny little girl, who was not even eight at the time, dancing to the tunes of Cholkettu, that too, a 11 minute performance! And there she is on the stage….. 

To my joy, this day, I wish a very happy birthday…..

Wishing many many years of health and happiness to you dear!

Bon Voyage…


Baby bird is flying away. Flying away to a far away land, the land that holds a lot of promises for the baby bird. Leaving Chrysalis, and flying far far away…

Time just passes by. Looking back, the transformation as years go by, is just fascinating.

It feels strange thinking yesterday, he was just a small kid. The one who reminded mama, “I am a big kid now”…

Singing along Barney songs, Lion King’s “Hakkuna Matata, It means don’t worry”.. And graduating then to Greenday, Eminem, Pink Floyd and many more…

A “Top Dog” at school, reading all the books he could get hold off, from fiction to fantasies and science fictions.. Books and then to movies, TV Shows and to podcasts…

But of all the things that he picked up along the years, one thing remains constant. The ability to laugh at the simple things …
And for me he still remains, my pride.. my little boy…

On this Independence day, my boy is starting out on a journey, far away from the family. He is starting out for school, with a plan to learn something that he wants to learn. Along the way, I am sure he get to learn a lot of life lessons too…

I am happy for my little boy. Yet, the mother in me, is a tiny bit worried. The thought of not being able to see him for a long long time, breaks my heart. The tears just doesn’t stop. “Don’t cry, Mommy”, he says. I wish it would stop…

Wish you all the very best, my dear!

Almost about two decades ago, I was preparing for a travel like this. Travel to the land of free. I remember my excitement at the time. My mom and dad, were happy yet sad. At the time, I don’t think I ever knew what they felt. But now, I know it very well.

A feeling of happiness, accompanied by a sadness… I know it now. Remembering the teary eyes of my parents and feeling those emotions…

Wishing my little boy all the very best, and knowing in my mind that he will be just fine…

I remain… a parent, just like mine were….

What goes around comes around…

Afraid?


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A small boat, away from the waters and resting aside the road. Why? Shouldn’t it be riding high on these waves?

The waves are not ebbing away. The beach front is being swallowed by the waters and it is inviting the reluctant boat to jump in. Yet, the boat remains, hesitant, away from the water, in a safe place.

This is no different from how we are, at times. We choose the safe path, and not the one that is yet to be taken. Are we afraid of failure?

People often run away from opportunities. At times, do not even explore things that could possibly bring the best in them. Either because of fear of failure or being just plain lazy!

I wish the boat would just move. Try out the waters, and then just float.

Take that first step, you may fall. So what? Get up and take another step.

Move on. Move on and conquer the fear.

Imagine the possibilities on what you could achieve – if you weren’t afraid or not lazy.

You need challenges in your life. They make you smarter, and stronger. So what are you waiting for?

Are you ready? Take it on and Move!

Picture of Sanghumukham Beach, Trivandrum, taken recently while driving along the road on my way to the airport.