Nostalgia


മുറ്റതു കൊഴിഞ്ഞു വീണു കിടക്കുന്ന കണ്ണിമാങ്ങകൾ ….

എല്ലാം പറുക്കി കൂട്ടുമ്പോൾ മനസ്സിൽ രുചിയുള്ള ഒരു ഓർമ ..

അമ്മ പെറുക്കിയെടുത്തു ചതച്ചു തരുന്ന കണ്ണിമാങ്ങാ ചമ്മന്തി .. എന്ത് നല്ല രുചി… അതിലേറെ മനോഹരമായ, പകർന്നു തരുന്ന സ്നേഹതിൻ രുചി… അതിന്നെ വെല്ലാൻ മറ്റു എന്തുണ്ട്?

സ്വാദ് ഓർത്താൽ വായിൽ വെള്ളം വരും, സ്നേഹത്തോടെ അത് ഉണ്ടാക്കി തരുന്ന അമ്മയെ ഓർത്താൽ കണ്ണ് നിറയുന്നു ….

നഷ്ടപെട്ട നല്ല കാലത്തിനെ, നല്ല സ്നേഹത്തിനെ ഓർമിപ്പിക്കാൻ എന്ടെ മുറ്റത്തും ഉണ്ട് ഒരു മാവ്..

കൊഴിഞ്ഞു വീണ കണ്ണിമാങ്ങകൾ പറുക്കി കൂടുമ്പോഴും മനസ്സിൽ തങ്ങുന്നതു നഷ്ടപെട്ട വാത്സല്യത്തിൻ നൊമ്പരം …

ഇനിയേതോ കാലങ്ങളളിൽ ഇതു പോലെ ഒരു ഓർമ നൽകാൻ എന്റെ മക്കൾക്ക് കൊടുത്തില്ലല്ലോ ഞാൻ ആ കണ്ണിമാങ്ങ ചമ്മന്തി !!!

നഷ്ട ബോധത്തിൻ നിസ്വനം ……..

Tender mangoes …

A premature death for the growth of the mango, resulted in finding them on my front yard.

As I collect and keep them aside, the feeling that comes to mind is one of taste and love!

Mother’s love….. and the taste of her Tender Mango Chutney..

Remembering the good old times….
Remembering the taste, oooh.. watery mouth!
Remembering my mother’s love, … teary eyes!

I too have a mango tree in my front yard. I too could have created memories like this for my children to cherish…

Yet I remain … not being able to… forgotten…

Treasure your memories, and create memories for others to treasure…..

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Daughter


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February 1st, 2013

Another February is passing by bringing in memories of difficult times? Or is it the time when memories of lives well spent are cherished?

February, the month in which the people who gave me life, decided to let go of theirs. Feb 17, 2008 – the day my mother left us. Two years later, my father waited for February to arrive to join my mom – on Feb 1st 2011, we were without any parents. It was never a coincidence, they planned it like that, or so I believe.

For daddy’s little girl, he meant everything. He was the model for her future husband, for her unborn children. My father gave me a secure life, an education, gave me freedom, taught me to be wiser, and probably gave me everything I wanted. Perhaps everything I have and I ever will, is given by him. Even my husband – he found the perfect person for me to live my life with, just the way he had a wonderful life with my mom. I could never be more happier for all the times I had with him.

Still, I miss playing with him- pulling his big ears, teasing him about his perfect nose (which by the way, I never got, but my siblings did)…. most of all I miss being able to pick up the phone and just call – talk about nothing or something good or bad in life, nonstop, for he always listened…
Just miss that presence, the smile….

I am glad that he is still present with me, in my dreams. We converse, sometime it feels so real, its hard to believe it was just a dream. I know he is watching over me. I know he is happy for me and I know he is there for me…

Thanks for everything, thanks for the memories, daddy!

“That’s my daughter in the water,
Everything she owns I bought her
Everything she owns
Everything she knows I taught her
Everything she knows
Everything I say, She takes to heart
Every time she takes,
She takes apart
That’s my daughter in the water,
Every time she fell I caught her
Every time she fell……….”
– Loudon Wainwright

Window of Opportunity


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When the four walls closes down on you, you look for an opportunity. A window of an opportunity, which opens out to the world, which brings in some light in an otherwise dark world. The erstwhile closed windows suddenly becomes your hope. The undressed windows does not seem nude anymore, instead thank god there are no layers of dressings, it now just opens straight to the outside world.

When was the last time, I’ve opened these windows? Oh, the cool fresh air that comes in, as you open them up in the early dawn. When have I stopped by to breath them in? The plants, trees and the green outside, they seem to be full of energy as they stand tall and at times moving sideways slowly as the cool breeze grazes them.. A couple of hours later, the king arrives, letting a yellow glow in through the windows… and life is fine and shining…

You need the doors to be shut down on you, to appreciate the little window, the people around you, who turn in to become your window of opportunity. The family, the ones whom you cannot choose, indeed, I’ve been blessed to have the best people in my life. The friends who braved in with food, the offers from far away friends to take us around anytime needed, the “take care” and “get well” wishes… how I could thank you all enough? The family who took in my son, without reservations, the friends who had to do double duty since I was not around to keep my promise, I say thank you all…

You all are my window of opportunities, to get back to you much more than what you have given me, in my time of need…
Thank You all….

The Weekly Photo Challenge theme is “Love”. What more could love mean, than friends and family helping out when you are in need? Here’s my representation of love – a window of opportunity.

Weekly Photo Challenge – Together


A lazy Saturday evening at the beach. A great place to be to observe people. The sun, sand, wind and water, the ambiance sets the tone to your mood. Of being together….

Golden rays of the sun, what a lovely yellow carpet does it create on the wavy water! As you sit on the salty sand staring into the horizon, you can feel the warm wind caress your cheeks. The wavy water goes up so high, as if to grab your attention. Oh don’t you wish you could surf through the lovely white waves? Go far far away into the sea of calmness?

Let us hold our hands, run to the water and tempt it to catch us if it can! Let us write our names on the sand for the water to wash them away. Or let us just sit together and stare..

Let us just be together…..

Weekly Photo Challenge – Sun


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Where is the Sun?

The dark clouds are trying to cover him up. But no, they cannot hide his glory.

Through the darkness of the clouds, he shows his ways. The rays of light seems to come out of the clouds. On the land far away (or water), he spreads out a golden carpet.

Who says you could kill his spirit? Lower his might? No, you cannot. For he is still the king!

Life is no different. Some people around can try to lower your spirits. They could ooze out your energy. They could make you feel unimportant. They can make you feel sad.

But remember, you decide what can make you feel sad, who and what can make you feel unimportant. You decide your destiny, your emotions, your choices.

Just like the sun, you have the strength within you. Don’t let the dark clouds take it away. Fight back, fight back to live the life you ought to live.

The dark clouds cannot stay longer, they will dissipate.

Weekly Photo Challenge – Two Subjects


 

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Was lost between the two choices… A lovely white flower or the cute cow with a symbol of love on his forehead? Which one is more beautiful?

I loved the cow! Never seen such a beautiful spot on anyone’s forehead. Does the cow know about this beauty spot on its face? The close up of the flower spotted black bugs on the beautiful flower.

Sometimes you don’t see the beauty on your face, sometimes you don’t know of the dark spots that shows. Its up to the one who sees, to choose what matters… and possibly let you know… Good partners does it, good friends does it… anyone who cares does it..

Hope you find someone in your life to tell you as it is…..

 

Mama….


February 17, 2012

Four years! 4 years since my mother passed away. Almost four years of being back at God’s Own Country. As I look back, my mind still questions my actions..

Why? why did I let my mother fly away? Why didn’t I come back home earlier?

How wonderful it would have been for my mom, to see my kids grow, spend time with them, pamper them (just as she used to do).

Why did I steal the joy away from her? Why didn’t I come back earlier?? Why? why? why??

Why do I question, when I already know the answer?

Don’t I remember the words of advice that she used to share, whenever I worry about things that I cannot control?

“Everything happens for a reason, why worry about things that you cannot control?” she used to say.

And this one was no different. It all happened the way it did, for that’s how it was meant to be….it all happened for a reason….

Reading my diary, from a Sunday in February of 2008, written just about 2 weeks prior to my mother’s death, at a time when I was worried about my mother’s health and was near her, I am reminded of her message… sharing the note….

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Sunday, February 3, 2008
That’s who she is…

Last week, I was worried, crying out my fears over the telephone line.

“It is the biggest purchase of my life. I don’t know what to do, don’t know if it is the right one”. I cried out to the person at the other end.

“Did you talk about it? Do you have any other choice?”, she asked.

“Yes, but nothing is going to change it now. The decision has been made.”, I replied.

“Ok, then why do you worry? Remember, whatever happens, happens for a reason. Whatever is going to happen, happens for the good”, she was trying to calm me down.

I know, I know, remembering the words on the wall hanging. I can understand what she was trying to do. If things are not in your control and if you cannot do anything about it, why worry?

That’s what she always does. Bringing my spirits up when they are low, giving me strength when I need them. What would I do without her?

I am in this world,
Because of her
I learn to speak,
Because of her
My first word,
Spoken to address her
My first hero,
She is the one, for sure.

What do you want to be?
I was asked, as a child
A teacher,
I would reply,
Just because she was one.

I learned to be brave,
When cowardice was not a choice
I learned to be independent,
Just like she is
I learned to care,
Since she cared for others
I learned to ignore,
For things that didn’t matter
I was human,
For that’s what taught me to be
I learned to be a mother
Because,
that’s who she is,
A mother, my mother!
Posted by HM at 7:51 AM

Remembering the happiness shared with my mom, feeling the presence, and still wishing she were here…..